


Hermanos

by leticialinhares



Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Goodbyes, Half-Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 06:22:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20869634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leticialinhares/pseuds/leticialinhares
Summary: Two farewell letters from Valerio and Lucrecia after the events of season two. One was posted and the other one no.





	1. One Posted Letter

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Hermanos](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/524336) by Letícia Linhares. 

> This was wrote first in a different language, I hope that keep working in english as well  
Sorry for my mistakes, english is my second language!!

Lu,

Writing this letter is probably the most difficult thing that I ever did in my life, talking about how much you mean to me is complicated. Our relationship was always a secret, since the begginig we knew that was wrong, but was impossible to avoid. And I don't know if someday I will overcame this feelings. Maybe they are only a result of a terrible vicius we have on each other.

Yeah, it was you who kissed me for the first time, but if I say that that was the momment that everything started, I would be lying. You always took care for me, Lu, comforted me, even being younger, and believed in me when no one else believed. Do you remember how much our father hated we sleeping together when we were kids? How much did hurt when he separeted us?

I don't know if you remember, but I do. You cried so much in the other room calling for me. Since then we had a connection, even when our father insisted in make me small, you never got away from me, was the opposite. The more he complained about me the closer we became. It was like his higher expectations in you were perfectly balanced with the absense of expectations that he had on me.

We needed each other, and I'll be lying if I say that I didn't desire you in this way when all started. I had dreams about you constantly, I kissed to many girls, but I was always thinking about you. And when you kissed me I had the most amazing minutes of my life, there kissing you for the first time in years I felt that I was doing something right, despite everything.

And I know that you felt the same, by the way you smiled with your eyes. Maybe you don't understand what I want to say, but when we were together that way that you smile was real and spontaneous. I could feel in your eyes how much we both needed that.

Say goodbye for you after months being with you every day was one the most difficults things that I did in my life. I was not liyng when I said that I loved you, I still do, and honestly I don't know if I'll ever stop. But we were not born to be together, we are destructive for each other.

I wasn't never able to say no to you, and I had to start doing it. I don't know if I did in the right way, I was mad, resentful with your fake superiority ahead of our family. I was tired of being judged the depraved and you the saint. When in fact, like yourself said, we were the same, why I should receive such a diferente treatmeant?

I didn't think much about it, on impulse I returned you what I received, and I can't stop thinking that i made a mistake, I see you wandering for the runners, always alone, with a smile that is never on your eyes. Why you can be really happy? Why you have to be so cruel with everyone? Is it fear or certain that sooner or later everyone gets tired of you?

Even though I'm not there anymore you should know that I never got tired of you, not even when I ended everyhting between us, I just realized that when I'm with you I'm not the best person I can be and I need top ut myself first for now. And I really hope you don't feel abandoned or alone.

All these years, even when I was away, nothing else mattered, Lu, I always knew it was wrong, but it felted so right and I just wished I could be happy with you. This fool dream make us this broken pieces, made me drug myself as much as I could to face this reality and got you involved with a bunch of asshole guys who never valued you. Watching you beg for Guzmán's crumbs was harder than leaving. You deserve more than that, Lu.

I know the feeling, because i was in this place too many times, going from father to mother, moving from school to school, doing and undoing friendships. Having and losing you more times than I can count. I always thought I'd never leave you or betray you by choice, but things change.

Our last nigth was incredible, every touch, every kiss and you smile, seeing you truly happy for some hours were incredible, but like all the rest had a end. Seeing you in school, sad and miserable again, distreating people and being the cruel person that you became brang me back to reality. Yeah, we are the same, but I don't want to be anymore.

I want to be more, more that a spectrum of superficiality as you are, being truly happy is not a pretense. I don't want to humiliate myself for love, as you have done so many times, I don't want to use someone out of desperation to be alone again, like you did to me.

I don't deserve this and neither do you.

Lu, I love you and a part of me will always love you in the wrong way, maybe it's a mistake to leave you alone, but I can't be here anymore. Don't expect to see me anytime soon, I don't think I can get so close to you without making mistakes or being miserable. From now on we are the word that I always hated to pronounce and that you always insisted on repeating: brothers, that's all.

Please forgive me for the way I handled everything, at least now you no longer have to be perfect for our family. I wish you all the happiness in the world, sister. Good luck, Lu and until someday...

Valerio


	2. One Letter Never Posted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think about this work!! I hope you like it!!

Valerio,

I don't know why I'm bothering to write this if I'll never have the courage to posted anyway. As much as I love you more then everything, I think I love my pride more, I prefer that you continue to believe that I'm this heartless person. But even if I do not speak, I can no longer contain the thoughts.

I feel like I'm in front of a big slope and about to fall. Things have been even more complicated in school, Guzman and Nadia have just started dating and getting over this has been even harder. At first I made jokes, I attacked Nadia and him at every opportunity, until I realized how ridiculous that seemed.

Carla and all of them are worry about finding a way to arrest Polo, and I'm helping them in the way I can, but being in the same room with Nadia and Guzman is painful. Everything is, the schools is lonely, I talk to some people, but I don't have any friends anymore. Me and Carla almost never talk with each other, and honestly I don't give a fuck about it, not even with my grades I care anymore.

While I'm sitting in that wallet I just think about getting up and leaving, but honestly it's not like I have a better place to be. Being home without you is just as difficult as remembering what you did and realizing that my father no longer cares about me. My parents have been fighting all the time and forced me to go to a psychologist to cure our perversion, I wish I had the courage to run away just like you did.

The psychologist is another hell, she says a lot of things I don't like to hear, her new one is that I'm depressed. Doctor Jane thinks I need medication, I'm broken. And the worst is that even though I never say, I know she's right.

My attitudes are not the same, I'm smoking now, you know, at first it was just on parties, but now I don't know if I can stop anymore. I have beeing drinking and using drugs also, which helps to endure everything, you know? I understand you now, really, I'm feeling so lonely and drugs take me out of this inertia, almost make me believe that I'm happy or at least that I was someday.

I had sex with some random guys, and it was fun, but soon or later I hoped that them became you. Even though that I still hate you because of what you did. At these times I always remember how you touched me, how I never felt alone when I was with you. You made me feel extraordinary, but I'm not, right?

I'm just a spoiled girl, mean and cruel, now I see it why people always beatray me. I don't think I deserve be loved, I understand Guzman, I understand why everyone walks away from me and most of all I know now why you had to do that.

But that doesn't make me feel any less angry with you, the only thing that has changed is that I'm tired of expressing it. I prefer to be silent and let the hours pass, to hope that the anger will one day pass or that it will simply be over. I told the psychologist that and she insisted that I go to a psychiatrist, she thinks I'm thinking of killing myself.

You know I would never done that, right? Because I don't know anymore, Valerio, I have been looking for something to hold me here, but anything makes sense anymore.

I have constant bouts of crying when no one is watching. The only thing that matters is my grades and even in them I can no longer be as before. Every time I sit down to study or try to pay attention in class, my mind won't let me stop feeling it all. I don't recognize myself anymore, I don't know if I can keep going anymore...

When I'm alone in my room I like to pretend you're still here, touching me, the psychologist asked me if I was doing that and I said no, I didn't have the heart to say that I do this every day.

I wanted you back, but I don't know if it would do any good now that you don't like me anymore. I think I need you and wanted to ask you to came back, I would be able to forgive what you did and pretend nothing happened, just to feel again like you made me feel.

But it's too late for that, you got over me. You learned to see me as you always should have done, and I, on the other hand, still love you the wrong way, even if it doesn't seem, even though I don't know how to act.

And I apologize to you for all that I put you through, for all that I did not defend you. I would like to be a better person, but I don't think I can be.

If I'm not here when you come back, I'm sorry.

Lucrecia, your sister


End file.
